Dear Readers, I suffer from “Campaign Anxiety Disorder” (CAD), a not-so-rare but devastating condition that has grown in epidemic proportions during the last year and a half and afflicts a large percent of the American Democrats population. Millions of people evidence some sort of annoying symptom stemming from this psychological and physical malady. The syndrome is manifested by a whole array of symptoms which include, unbridled anger, adrenalin overdose, family dysfunction and separation, rational exuberance, sleeplessness alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, road rage and the worst symptom of all…Tourett's Syndrome, the main reason why I am not being invited to family affairs and shunned by some people I know.
Doctors are not too familiar with CAD and my Dr. Vera was not able to diagnose me the first time I went to visit her with my ailment. “Dr. Vera, you must prescribe something I can’t function! “Dear it's menopause, dont fret, meditate” She said. Well I meditated, exercised, and started drinking way too much. Next visit she was concerned and oddly looked at me. “Dear, here is Dr. Weiss’s card, make an appointment. He is a therapist”. I did, Dr. Weiss gave me an emergency appointment. To make the story short, it turns out I do not have a deeply seated bipolar or personality disorder. I am not chronically compulsive. I do not need anger management classes. I am suffering from advanced “Campaign Anxiety Disorder” what a relief!! “For Pete’s sake give me something Dr.Weitz!!!” I begged.
It turns out the good Doctor has had to prescribe plenty of Xanax to many anguished patients like me. It appears that zillions of Americans are suffering from this malady and not even extra doses of Xanax can pry them away from their powerful and intense, almost crazy drive to get Barack Obama elected. The process is killing us and I hope we do not develop a long term disability. CAD causes hazardous behavior to us, our friends, families but most of all to Republicans, Fox TV and Sara Palin.
I have since decided that I will take my dose of Xanax to keep my sanity but also feel it is important to narrate to all of you that will listen my daily emotional rollercoaster ride and how my CAD is manifested constantly and mercilessly every moment of the day. I am now experiencing the final stages of my disease and hopefully I will survive this last ride which ends November 4th. , 2008.
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